I was going to write a different post. But every day has grown stranger, and every hour even more so. So I’m just going to write what I feel at this moment, when the very sky looks unfamiliar.
Yet I know it is still familiar. The sky will keep being the sky. That’s comforting. I always enjoyed watching the sky change. More than just watching the change of clouds, searching for animals or other objects in their shapes…more than just watching the sunset.
Of course I always loved watching the night sky. This week was no exception, with a lovely pastel moon rising over San Diego the other night. Watching the night sky in East Tennessee as a child, I dreamed of other worlds around distant stars. It’s good to keep dreaming.
We all feel varying emotions right now, and I admire those who conceal theirs well. I guess I’ve very much got my heart on my sleeve, but I still try to put on a veneer that shows I’m brave.
Some moments I do feel brave, others I feel there is so much uncertainty that I can’t possibly.
And then I realize, yes, I can feel brave. We never really know what our days will bring us. We make stories about what lies ahead, and often we believe them. Many times, they come true. Other times, not so much. So it’s disquieting to try to make a story about the near future when there’s not much one can do about it, when there are more questions than answers.
It’s been a thread through the long tapestry of humanity. And I think in this age of constant communication, we feel like we’ve had some control. We now remember that live on a dynamic world, and the only constant is change.
Still, there are wonders. Wonders right outside our window. Wonders in the blooms upon the branches. Wonder at the heroic efforts of everyone to help in times of crises. Wonders within ourselves.
I think back to this quote from J.R.R. Tolkien’s The Fellowship of the Ring:
“I wish it need not have happened in my time,” said Frodo.
“So do I,” said Gandalf, “and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.”
Because every day we are a wonder, and so is the world around us. There are mysteries, and loves, and quiet but powerful moments, and they make up the stories that we are. Nothing can change that truth.
I am journaling right now about how I feel, how my day went, what I am grateful for. If you’ve not tried that, this is a good time to do so. Record what you eat, who you spoke to. Anything that comes to mind.
As I spend these days with my dear family, I’ll keep recounting my gratitude. And I’ll keep checking in on those I care about. I’ll work to stay as healthy as I can so I can help my family the best I can. And of course, I will write.
These are the things I’ll do with the time that is given to me.
May you continue to share in wonder.
Image Credit: Spring blooms photograph by J. Dianne Dotson Copyright 2020.